mistakes

In life there will always be something you regret, some little mistake some slip in judgement that costs you your life, or close to it.
I never meant for it to happen, I'm not a player, I'm a good guy, I was married. Well, I still am but I don't know how long that'll last.
This is pretty confusing right? Let me start at the beginning.

I have a goofy yet beautiful wife, Anakiwa. Us meeting was my first little lapse in judgement, one I will never regret. My car broke down and hers was the only house with lights on, so I knocked and knocked. No one answered. Here's the part where my good judgement ceases. I tried the door and it was open. So in I went, looking for the owner of the hot pink house. Well, I found her in the form of a screaming fangirl.

Ya see, I had been on a soap in my teens and Ana was a soap fan-still is- she recognized me instantly and let's just say that darlin's got a set of lungs on her.

Not long later we were married and 5 months after we married our son, Mariner, was born.

And a year after him came our twins, Genoa and Biloba Flower.

My life was complete, not perfect but complete. Three tots at once isn't perfection,darlin' but once you get past the clingy-ness and random shedding of diapers, it was great.
But it didn't last long. When Mariner was 8 and the girls 7, I made the biggest mistake of my life. By that time Ana had become a stylist, not a well known one but a stylist just the same, and I had become an elementary art teacher at Strawberry Shortcake Elementary. It was my second year teaching and we had a county conference at some rinky dinky little hotel. That's when I met Carissma Cupid, a Math teacher from Kit Kat Bliss Bar High School.
Carissma was a beautiful berry and as the conference wained on my mind became more muddled and formed a dense ball of confusion in my skull. At the end of the conference I was only partly sentient.
I can't really remember what triggered it or how it started, but Carissma and I ended up in one of the hotel rooms, to my shame.

I can't say that wish it never happened, because I got something out of it that I wouldn't give up for the world. Of course I wish there was a way that I could keep that and not have hurten Anakiwa, but it doesn't work like that.  When all was said and done and I had recovered my sentience and clothes, I told Carissma all about my family, how this shouldn't have happened. She paced the room for a moment the started crying. "It's all my fault  Your family will get torn apart and it's all my fault!" she heaved heavy tears. "I'm so sorry!" I grabbed her by the shoulders. "It's not all your fault, Carissma. It takes two to tango right?" I looked her in the eyes hoping I had helped calm her, of course I didn't.

I went home that night and I knew I would tell Ana. I had to tell her or it would eat away at my soul.
I waited until the kids were in bed.
"A-Ana, we need to talk." She turned to me, concern all over her sweet face. "Is everything okay?"
"No, darlin', its not." I frowned at the floor, as if blaming it for the impending doom.
"Lo.. what's-"
I did something bad-no grotesquely awful." She reached out to me and I stopped her, she wouldn't want to touch me after hearing this. "I just slept with another woman." My voice broke and I peeked up just in time to see the life drain from her face.
"Merlot..." She said on a thin breath.
Tears started draining from my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I know you don't want to hear that but you need to know that I regret what happened, I never meant for it to happen." The look on her face killed me.

She didn't say anything for a while. I didn't either. We each weeped silently on opposite sides of the hall for a long while.
After what felt like an hour of crying, she wiped her eyes and came back over to me. "I think it would be best if you sleep downstairs for a while." Her voice broke several times. "A-And you sh-hould spend some time with the kids."
We both silently went our separate ways, her to our bedroom and me to the living room sofa.
I lay on the sofa, still in my clothes, still wearing my reading glasses and felt my world fall down around me, then on top of me, crushing me.
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Thus ends the very first chapter of Lost in Love.
It was going to be longer but it seemed way to long to be one post. opefull the next chapter will be up during the weekend as well <3